Reardon Publishing

Being a vampire is not like in the movies; it is boring, and having the whole world out to get you just because you have better teeth than they do is unfair and totally specie-ist. I don’t go on about humans having short puny teeth and odd smells, now, do I?
Well, to try and educate you a little before the bell rings and you all go back to the trees with the other apes, I am going to explain just how and why my life is so unfair in being a teenage vampire.
Where should I start? No, not at the beginning, unless you wish me to discuss potty training or my special gift of being sick over things that were dry-clean only. Instead, let me start at the worst age possible, like right now: a teenager, and at a time in my life when I could die a thousand deaths daily in indescribable ways as I am forced to face the unending, living hell. Yes, you guessed it; it’s called high school.
And by the way, my name is Amy, and this is my life, if you can call it a life. Okay, so just sit back, shut up, and let me tell you all about it; if you fidget, then I should warn you that I was not joking about having better teeth than you, and they are sharp!

all she knew was that she was a living vampire

and at a time in my life when I could die a thousand deaths daily in indescribable ways as I am forced to face the unending, living hell. Yes, you guessed it; it’s called high school.

people think you are an idiot without opening your mouth and proving it to them.

but I am not human

Yes, you guessed it; it’s called high school

Er ….vampires and sunlight …get it? No, I don’t burst into flames; and as to glowing, the saying is, “Horses sweat, men perspire, and women glow.” Okay, okay, so you could say that when I get hot, I glow like a horse

Vampires can ignore the problems of lack of light when we feed; yes, that is the correct term. Saying that one is “slurping blood and burping” just does not sound correct, and with me, it is sometimes all splashing and making slurping noises.

The metal tangy smell of the wet blood of the victim was causing Amy’s mouth to water in anticipation of the taste that was soon to follow. Her fangs were now at their maximum length, which is quite impressive if I do say so myself. It just was not something you can go and put on job applications (well, not if it’s the sort of job that involves smiling at people).

The need for blood was now so strong that Amy could no longer wait.