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Baek Sehee

I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

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'Will strike a chord with anyone who feels that their public life is at odds with how they really feel inside.'

PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you?

ME: I don't know, I'm — what's the word — depressed? Do I have to go into detail?

Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her — what to call it? — depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgemental of others. She hides her feelings well at work and with friends; adept at performing the calmness, even ease, her lifestyle demands. The effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal.
But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favourite street food, the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like?
Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period, Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops, knee-jerk reactions and harmful behaviours that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse. Part memoir, part self-help book, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is a book to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness.
This book is currently unavailable
124 printed pages
Publication year
Anton Hur
Have you already read it? How did you like it?


  • Dannashared an impressionlast year


  • Arooma Zehrashared an impression6 months ago
    👍Worth reading
    🔮Hidden Depths
    💡Learnt A Lot

  • Letícia Russoshared an impression9 months ago
    👍Worth reading
    🔮Hidden Depths


  • shujihas quoted3 days ago
    When you get good results, your worth is realised and you relax, but that satisfaction doesn’t last long – that’s the problem. It’s like you’re running inside a hamster wheel. You try to get out of your depression through your efforts but fail, and this continuing cycle of trying and failing feeds back into the original depression.
  • shujihas quoted3 days ago
    I was someone who was depressed from birth, and let my world grow darker and darker
  • Samirahas quoted13 days ago
    When you feel like someone seems superior to you, you should try applying those standards to someone with different circumstances.

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